A special opening message from Allison Bottke: The interview that follows has been personalized for this particular blog. I want to thank our Blog Host for taking the time to read my newest non-fiction book and for sharing it here today on the Setting Boundaries Blog Tour. You are helping to spread the word about a topic that desperately needs to be addressedâwith a message already striking a chord in hearts around the nation.
Our country is in a crisis of epidemic proportion concerning adult children whose lives are spinning out of controlâleaving parents and grandparents broken-hearted and confused. This painful issue is destroying individuals, families, marriages, churches, and communities. I believe in my heart that you are reading this message today for a very specific reason. Do you know someone who has an adult child who is always in crisis? An adult child who brings chaos to virtually every situation? Could this painful issue be touching your life today?
If so, thereâs a truth Iâve come to embrace that has changed my lifeâit can change yours, too. Itâs taken me more years than I care to admit, but I no longer believe in âcoincidences.â The truth Iâve come to embrace is that God is the Master of orchestrating âGod-cidences.â He has a plan for who he wants us to meet, what lessons he wants us to learn, even what books he wants us to read. He even has a plan for the trials and tribulations of life.
When we begin to look at everything that happens to us throughout the day as âGod-cidencesâ (and not accidental coincidences) it changes the way we view our world.
That said, my prayer is that you will see the following message and the book; Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing as a âGod-cidenceâ placed into your life today for a powerful purpose. Perhaps itâs to help heal your family or the family of a loved one. Perhaps you are here to help us introduce this resource to a broader audience via additional media contacts you may have. Whatever the âGod-cidenceâ may be, please know our primary goal is to bring hope and healing to families around the nationâthank you for helping us do that.
I pray you will view what you are about to read as a âGod-cidenceâ meant just for you.
God Bless and KeepYou,
BOOK ZONE: The book comes out of your own personal experience with your son. Please tell us about that.
ALLISON: For years I really thought I was helping my son. I wanted him to have the things I never had growing up. I love my son, and I didnât want him to hurtâbut sometimes pain is a natural result of the choices we make. For a long time I didnât understand the part I was playing in the ongoing drama that had become my sonâs lifeâI didnât understand that I didnât have to live in constant chaos and crisis because of his choices. When I chose to stop the insanity and start living a life of hope and healing my life changed. Itâs a feeling I want other struggling parents and grandparents to experience. I want other parents to know that change is possible when we choose to stop the destructive cycle of enabling. And we can stop it. I know, because Iâve done it.
BOOK ZONE: Why do you think so many parents struggle with enabling their adult children?
ALLISON: We donât understand the difference between helping and enabling, that one heals and the other hurts. We donât realize that we handicap our adult children when we donât allow them to experience the consequences of their actions.
BOOK ZONE: How can we determine whether we are helping versus enabling our children?
ALLISON: Helping is doing something for someone that he is not capable of doing himself.
Enabling is doing for someone things that he could and should be doing himself.
An enabler is a person who recognizes that a negative circumstance is occurring on a regular basis and yet continues to enable the person with the problem to persist with his detrimental behaviors. Simply, enabling creates an atmosphere in which our adult children can comfortably continue their unacceptable behavior.
As long as we continue to keep enabling our adult children, they will continue to deny They have any problems, since most of their problems are being âsolvedâ by those around him. Only when our adult children are forced to face the consequences of their own actionsâtheir own choicesâwill it finally begin to sink in how deep their patterns of dependence and avoidance have become. And only then will we as parents be able to take the next step to real healing, forever ending our enabling habits and behaviors. (pg. 33)
BOOK ZONE: Where can my readers go for more information on your book and on the S.A.N.I.T.Y. ministry?
ALLISON: Everything you could possibly need is contained on our web site at: http://www.sanitysupport.com/blogtourguests.htm.
ALLISON: I encourage your readers to tell me what they think about Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children. I really do want to hear reader feedback. They can reach me at: SettingBoundaries@SanitySupport.com. Please be sure to visit our web site at http://www.sanitysupport.com/blogtourguests.htm where they will find additional resources for helping them on their road to S.A.N.I.T.Y. Remember to tell a friend in need and help save a life!